In the mid 1990s a friend of mind told me about a book that would change my life: The Highly Sensitive Person-How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You by Elaine N.Aron. The author writes that 15 to 20 percent of the population has a sensitive nervous system that causes these people to be more sensitive emotionally and physically. In our culture this trait is usually not seen favorable while in other countries such as China being “shy and sensitive” is seen favorably. In our culture the highly sensitive person may be told “you are too sensitive!” or as a child, called a “cry baby”. These negative messages increase the anxiety and lower self esteem of sensitive people.
Highly sensitive people have great imaginations that can turn against them when they start becoming anxious as they can imagine worse outcomes than the less sensitive person. Someone less sensitive may worry about losing his job and how he will pay his bills. The highly sensitive person may imagine losing his job, picture having his heat, electricity, cable and phone turned off, imagine friends judging him, worry about the negative emotional impact it will have on his children and see himself in the streets.
The good news is that highly sensitive people also are more creative and intuitive than non highly sensitive people. When they learn to use these positive traits to reverse their anxiety, they experience surprising results. I also find that highly sensitive people can have delightful responses when I use my favorite therapeutic method of EMDR in terms of insights and ideas how to improve their lives. Sometimes being a therapist can be draining but other times when I work with highly sensitive people, it can be inspiring and uplifting. Of course it can also be energizing to work with less sensitive clients.
If you are a HSP, it usually really helps to identify oneself as a HSP-Highly Sensitive Person. It explains so much. Author Aron has a quiz you can take to see if you are a HSP: HSP Quiz. Being a HSP can explain why you have a hard time being in crowds, experience stronger side effects from medication, are bothered by loud noises or bright lights, think deeply, more easily pick up the feelings of other people, have a strong need to be creative, think outside of the box, are more easily overwhelmed and have your feelings more easily hurt.
The HSP’s are the musicians, the artists, the actors/actresses, authors and often psychotherapists. One artist summed up being HSP on a canvas found here: HSP Painting
Before I read Aron’s book about HSP, I wanted to be less sensitive. I definitely did not see the trait as a plus in my life. But Aron explains the upside of the trait. In one chapter she has a subsection titled “Your trait really does make you special”. She lists advantages of being highly sensitive that include: better at spotting errors, highly conscientious, being able to concentrate deeply (if we don’t have too many distractions), being able to process material to deeper levels, having more awareness, learning quickly from our awareness, and being able to tune into other people better so you can help them more.
In the 1990s I worked at a community mental health clinic near down town Detroit. I did an informal survey of my clients to see how many passed the HSP quiz. Most of them were HSP’s! I realized that although being a HSP has it’s advantages, if a person does not know how to handle being highly sensitive and had too much unresolved trauma, it turned into a “mental illness”.
My mission as a therapist is to help people who are highly sensitive learn how to use their gifts as a sensitive person avoid having mental problems and enjoy their gifts of creativity, thoughtfulness and intuition. If you are interested in working with me to learn how to turn your sensitivity into a positive experience, I offer free 20 minute phone or video consultation. Call me at 586-799-2399.