Van Wilder once said “Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere”. Actually worry does take you somewhere. It takes your imagination down the road that creates misery regarding something that has not happened yet and very possibly may never happen.
Bryon Katie, a well- known author of 8 books, said “If you want a little terror, get a future.” In other words if you don’t want to worry, come back into today by practicing mindfulness of the present. It need not be anything time consuming or complicated. It could be as simple as petting your cat or texting a friend.
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Katie used to suffer from being unhappily married, often impatient with her children, drinking excessively, agoraphobia, overeating, depression and addiction to codeine. While at a treatment center for her addiction and depression she writes she had an epiphany in 1986 that she describes as follows:
“I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn’t believe them, I didn’t suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. ”
From this life changing experience, Katie developed a method called THE WORK, a simple method that involves thes 4 questions:
- Is it true?
- Can you absolutely know that it is true?
- How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
- Who would you be without the thought?
Katie offers more information how to use this method free on her website at: Thework.com. She has videos on youtube showing how to use this method. She also has blog articles on her website that have much wisdom. Katie is funny and articulate. Her most recent book is titled A Mind at Home with Itself: How Asking Four Questions Can Free Your Mind, Open Your Heart, and Turn Your World Around.
In Chapter 3 of this book, she writes “If a thought hurts, question it.” It is those questions that can and do change those thoughts and related feelings. They help people look at the bigger picture to realize most of their negative thoughts/fears/beliefs are not even true!
Worry can be productive if the worry is examined to see if anything can be done to change the situation and make a plan of the steps you will take to change that situation. If there is nothing you can do to change the situation, it is an opportunity to practice acceptance. This can bring peace.
A neuropsychiatrist named Dr Abraham Low started a self-help group in 1937 called Recovery International that has nation- wide in person, on-line, chat and phone meetings to help people transform their negative emotions. One of Dr Low’s books is called Manage Your Fears, Manage Your Anger, A Psychiatrist Speaks.
Dr Low recommends that people become aware of what they can control and what they can’t control. He wrote that people cannot control their external environment, such as people, events, the past and the future nor can they control their internal environment of feelings and sensations but they can control their thoughts and behavior.
When people have a life time of automatic worrying and anxiety, it is often hard to change without help from others. Joining a group like Recovery International offers can be immensely helpful. Recovery International has videos on youtube giving examples of how this method helps people who participate in their meetings.
A client of mine shared a quote she saw on a Facebook page called Practice Positivity that I really like that sums up this blog post :
“Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable”
If you would like additional help to use The Work method or reduce anxiety, you can call or text me at 586-799-2399 for a free 15 minute phone or video consultation.